Mischief Managed..Well, not Completely

I wasn't born yesterday but today, somehow, I wish I was. I mean, literally. Think about it. If I was born yesterday, in just two months, it is going to be the end of the world. And I won't remember anything or feel anything when that happens. And if it is not the end of the world, then I might just be able to reach the age where I can drive any kind floating device. (I believe in Verne's world view of the future.)

But to be honest, a future promised with floaty chairs is not even one of my concerns right now. It doesn't even make the list. (Yes. There's a list. It's a short one.) I am currently shaking things off it one by one. Top of the list would be my manuscript. It has always been. But somehow, I managed ways to avoid it until I came to the point where my adviser is going out on a hunt for my head. (This could be literal by the way.) I just won't do it. Every inch of my body is refusing to finish it. I just submitted my first draft on the deadline of submitting a COMPLETE manuscript. My work was a far cry from being a manuscript - from being complete. I submitted it yesterday and not even in person. I had a friend do it for me because I was thousands of miles away from school. (I'm in my hometown right now.) And to make things worse, my friend had an earful of my adviser. My adviser was suppose to be yelling at me and not my friend since I was the screw-up but what the hell, she did it anyways. (Sometimes I think she is the incredible Hulk minus the skin turning green.) I really feel sorry for my friend. I'm thinking of ways to make it up to him. The only way I can think about it through pasalubong. (I am such a horrible person.)

Today, I woke up at 4 am and found myself contemplating on the events that transpired that dreadful dreadful day. I know in my heart that this phase will pass. It will cover a chapter in my life called "Stop, Go and then Stop". It will start with the opening sentence, "My adviser wanted to kill me but fortunately, she didn't." But I really believe that there is something wrong with me to not want to see this hellish manuscript come to an end.

The first thought that came to my mind was every student's reason not to do his/her manuscript - laziness. Yes. I'll admit. I was lazy with my manuscript. But only with my manuscript. For the first time in my college life, I had loads of free time. At first, I thought, "Yeah! I could easily finish my acads with this much time." Then I realized I had time to go see concerts and exhibits and shows. Then little did I notice I was busy looking for jobs, painting, writing and whatever thing I had in the spur of the moment. And again, I found myself out of time. There was not enough time to do my thesis. But I'll be honest. I had never been this happy and excited to do things. I have so much ideas that I just want to do them and see them become tangible and be out there. To hell with my manuscript. (I know I sound really selfish but who cares! I surely don't!)

I remember this line from the movie She's the Man, "If you want to chase your dreams, sometimes you have to break the rules."

I was never the quitter. I never quit anything in life. Surely, I will not quit with my manuscript. But I'm done. I'm done with the academe. I'm done with this Chemistry shit. So it is important and it has many contributions and it helps educate society and surely it matters to those who loves it but I'M DONE! I get nothing from this. NOTHING. And quite frankly, I get pissed off with people who think that drawing is only just a freaking hobby! I know they mean well when they say, "You can do so much. You can't just draw all your life." Well, screw you. I want to draw all my life. IT'S MY LIFE. And what is it with people constantly telling you what you can and can't do and laughing at your dreams.

I am going to make a declaration.

This will not be the end of me. I am going to be a great illustrator and writer... AN ARTIST, damn it! I'm going to do whatever it takes to live it and make it. And everyone will know. And I'm going to be happy with my life. The happiest I'll ever be. So the hell with you side notes, comments, "suggestions". I'M DONE.

In my next blog, I'll bet your bones. I'm gonna be making something. And it's going to be great!