The Restless Slug

Today, I found myself in a lake of emotions. Not a sea. I can assure you my world is not that vast. I believe that there are still so many places, things and experiences to see, do and feel.

Anyway…

Just seconds ago I was comforted by a memory. It was way back when I was competing in Arnis. I remember forfeiting a match because I had to help run some errands for the team. I cried. I can’t believe I cried. It was not the first time I cried in front of everybody but I still felt embarrassed. Maybe, I badly wanted to compete. I don’t know. Or maybe I was just mimicking Dwane who was in tears and was profusely apologizing for dragging me around and asking for my help. My friends were there, Ate Ariane and Ate Pat. Ate RC was not able to come. I don’t remember why. The two of them cheered me up. It took a long time before I could smile again. Then my coach came back and said, “Okay ka na?” Then I cried…again. Ate Ariane responded, “Sir naman eh! Ang hirap patawanin niyan eh!” My coach smiled apologetically. He even said sorry. Then I found myself half sobbing-half laughing like a medically insane person. I was confused on what exactly to feel. But, back then, I felt great. And remembering it right now, I feel an unwavering smile etch across my face.

It is one of those moments that I have in my head that I hungrily hang onto to keep me afloat in this ever treacherously changing wave called life. Some people might judge me based on my academic standing. Some with the connections I have made. Some with the business each of my family member does. Some with the money I would soon make. Some, who are just plain shallow, would judge me base on how I look. Honestly, I rarely care for these. I worry about my grades and I sometimes feel embarrassed by them. I know my family is not as wealthy as the Ayala’s. I definitely do not look like a super model. I’m the total opposite. I’m short, beefy and healthy. The only assets we have in common are the lady parts. Aside from that, there is nothing else. But I don’t mind this.

Not at all.

I have friends who are caring enough to make an effort to urge me to laugh. That’s priceless. If one of these days the devil would show up and make a bet with me that I cannot survive a day without talking to anyone, I’ll say it out loud, “I’ll be a billionaire.”

The woes of the world continuously batter on as I try to exert myself in every possible way. It will be an endless feat but I know I’m not alone. I have these wonderful book filled with memoirs that I am lucky enough to keep to myself until I be made part from the Earth. I might be restless but I’m lucky. Extremely lucky.